I have lived in Charleston for around eight and a half years now. I adore this city. Apart from all the memories, good and bad, it’s just a beautiful place. It’s currently winter, February 1 to be exact and the outside temp is 68 F. Overcast and breezy the day feels more like April 1. The weather channel says it’s going to be around 70 degrees and sunny all weekend. How’s that for winter?
Even more than the weather, I love the people. Well I love getting to know people no matter where I am. It just so happens that Charleston is made up of almost every type of person you could think of. People from all over the world, from all walks of life: rich, poor, many nationalities, more religions than you can count, gay, trans gendered, politicians, yuppies, hippies, college kids (lots of college kids), Gullah, drag queens (not Gullah drag queens, although I’m sure they are out there), soccer moms, hard working dads, and a partridge in a palm tree. You get the picture.
What amazes me is that I’ve seen mixtures of these people, usually downtown, and when put in the same room together, let’s say a bar or a coffee shop, they don’t seem to realize their differences. Now, I am not surprised by much of anything, but it truly never ceases to surprise me when I see someone still to this day discriminate against a fellow human because of differences. I say “to this day” but I do not in any fashion mean that when discrimination happened years ago it was the correct thing to do in that time. Never was discrimination the correct thing to do. I should also mention that what I am speaking of here is what’s been seen in the general population, not the church.
But thank you for mentioning the church because that is what I would like to tie in to this little talk now:
Having been part of many different types of Christian churches throughout my life (traditional Southern Baptist church, “contemporary/traditional” church, contemporary Baptist church, a church plant, a mega church, and currently a multi-site church) I’ve seen people discriminate in some pretty creative ways. First though, I must say that most of the people who were doing the discriminating were people who did not know they were discriminating, would say they love all people, and probably had good motives at the time. For instance, I once was attending an Easter service at a church that was not my own and listened as the pastor began preaching on taking a stand “against homosexuals and their agenda”. Here’s what bothered me about it. It was Easter. Christ, our beloved Savior, Who conquered death and the grave is to be celebrated on that day. And the pastor wanted to talk about homosexual propaganda.
Now, before you begin choosing which rock is best to throw at his head, let’s pick apart the question of “why?”. Why is it that we can turn to a popular Christian TV station and hear this kind of bashing on any given day? Why are some pastors declaring war targeting certain groups of people? Why do those certain groups of people declare war on each other? Why do we discriminate in the first place? Wait a minute. Did I just say we? Do I include myself as one who discriminates based on differences? Of course I do!
And here’s why:
Us and Them. The Us and Them mentality is a state of mind that says there is a clear separation between those we would call “Us” and those we call “Them”. The Us group would say they wouldn’t be caught dead doing what the Them group is doing. Allow me to be a little more practical. The wealthy business man who walks past the homeless beggar might think to himself, “I will never be that man nor will I ever be friends with him. We could not possibly have anything in common. He is homeless and I am not. I am better than him”. The wealthy man has established “Us” as himself and others who are like himself and “Them” as the homeless man and those like him. His error is not that he has recognized differences between himself and someone else but that he has set himself up as the better person because of those differences. Face it. You do it, I do it. Just own up to it and let’s get on with the program.
Reality Check: There is no Us and Them.
An analogy should be fun here. Let’s imagine we are on the Titanic. The huge beautiful ship, fantastic food, an endless ocean, and Celine Dion singing in the background. You’ve seen the movie right? What I love about the movie is that we get a look into what types of people would probably have been on the ship. Of course there’s the upper and middle class enjoying all the entertainment. Then there’s the Captain and his crew. There are servants who were made up of a couple of nationalities. Down below, there are the guys who are shoveling coal who were never seen nor even thought of. And let’s not forget Leonardo, the stow-away. If you have not seen the movie or else don’t know the story, I hate to spoil the ending but the boat hits an iceberg and starts sinking. When the life boats started hitting the water it didn’t really matter to the rich folk if there were lower classes of people manning the boats.
Here’s my point: We are all on the Titanic (life) and the ship is sinking. If you are stranded in the water and a life boat comes along to rescue you, are you going to check first to see who is manning the boat? Will that make or break your decision to climb to safety? If there’s a Muslim, Jew, Hispanic, televangelist, hooker, homosexual, homeless person, wealthy business man, single mom… manning the boat that will save your life, will you still get in?
Yes. You will.
Go love somebody that you feel doesn’t deserve it.
That’s what God did for you. Now you do it.
“But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so very much, that even while we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead.” Ephesians 2:4-5
This is simply me being honest about a flaw. Talking bad about people makes me feel gross. Not to mention, if this person or that person were actually hearing what I was saying, he/she would be hurt, even if what I’m saying is not that bad. I believe we should say things that make our friends look good and things that make our enemies look even better. Positivity all the way! Anyway, it’s a flaw I’m working on. So if you hear me talking negatively about someone just stop me and say, “Shut yo mouth boy!”
Anyway, now that I have these established boundaries, I’m going to put more emphasis on building into my relationships again. My friendships have definitely suffered for a while. Just ask some of my friends (Sarah, Justin, Leslie, Bev, Dave, BJ, Nichole, etc…) and they will tell you how bad my contact has been. I have some grace-filled friends! So…boundaries, boundaries, boundaries… I can’t stress it enough.